Why Can't I Just ‘Snap Out of It’?

It’s a phrase many of us have heard, whether directed at us or at someone we know: “Just snap out of it." These five words, often delivered with good intentions, carry a sharp sting for anyone struggling with depression. They imply that your pain is a choice, that your exhaustion is a matter of laziness, and that your pain is something that can be overcome with a simple shift in attitude or a burst of willpower.

But for those experiencing depression, the reality is a world away from this simplistic advice. The idea of "snapping out of it" is not only unhelpful; it is deeply invalidating and can lead to immense feelings of guilt, shame, and failure. It suggests that you are personally to blame for your suffering, that you are not trying hard enough, and that your inability to do so is a fundamental flaw in your character. This couldn't be further from the truth.

The 'Snap Out of It' Myth and Its Damage

The phrase stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of what depression is. It treats a complex medical condition like a temporary bad mood or a bout of self-pity. People who say this are often well-meaning; they simply cannot comprehend the profound physical and emotional paralysis that depression can cause.

The damage, however, is real. When someone is already weighed down by a sense of worthlessness and hopelessness, being told to "snap out of it" only deepens the feeling of being a failure. It makes the person feel like they are letting everyone down and reinforces the belief that their pain is not legitimate. This shame can make them less likely to seek the help they so desperately need, pushing them further into isolation.

The Biological and Neurological Reality of Depression

To understand why you can't just 'snap out of it,' you have to understand that depression is real, and can be physical, not just a state of mind. It’s a condition rooted in the very fabric of your brain’s chemistry and structure.

Think of your brain as a complex computer. In a healthy brain, neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine are the messengers that regulate your mood, motivation, and energy levels. In a brain with depression, these messengers are often in short supply or the communication pathways are not working efficiently. It’s like a car trying to run on an empty fuel tank - no matter how much you want it to go, it simply doesn’t have the fuel to move.

Genetics can play a role, as can chronic physical illnesses, hormonal imbalances, and even inflammation in the body. Furthermore, brain imaging studies have shown that depression can physically alter the brain's structure. Areas like the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making and motivation, can show reduced activity. The amygdala, which processes emotions, may become overactive, leading to heightened feelings of fear and anxiety. It’s not a matter of willpower; it’s a matter of biology. You can’t tell your brain to produce more serotonin, just as you can’t tell a broken leg to heal instantly.

The Psychological and Emotional Layers

Beyond the biological, depression also creates a powerful psychological cycle that traps individuals in a loop of hopelessness. It's not just that you feel sad; it's that your thinking patterns change. Depression often brings with it what are known as "cognitive distortions" - unhelpful, negative ways of thinking.

You might find yourself catastrophising, believing the worst possible outcome will always happen. Or you might engage in ‘black-and-white’ thinking, where everything is either good or bad, with no room for nuance. This negative filter on the world reinforces your low mood, creating a vicious cycle. You feel unmotivated, so you withdraw from social activities. This inactivity then deepens your feelings of loneliness and sadness, which in turn reinforces your negative thoughts about yourself and the world. This is why the advice to ‘just go for a walk’ can be so difficult to follow - your brain’s systems for motivation and reward are not functioning as they should.

The burden of past trauma, unresolved grief, or prolonged stress also contributes to this emotional landscape. These experiences don’t simply disappear; they can become part of your psychological framework, making you more vulnerable to depression and its debilitating effects.

What You Can Do Instead of 'Snapping Out of It'

Instead of trying to "snap out of it", which is an impossible and painful goal, the journey to recovery is about gentle, compassionate, and consistent effort. It's about moving from a state of paralysis to one of small, purposeful steps.

• Acknowledge the Pain: First, and most importantly, validate your own experience. It's okay to feel this way, and it’s not your fault.

• Focus on Small Wins: The key is to start small. Don’t try to jump from a bedridden state to a full workout. Instead, focus on a tiny, achievable goal, like getting up and making a cup of tea. Celebrate this small victory.

• Rely on Your Support System: You don’t have to carry this burden alone. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member, even just to say you’re having a bad day. You don't have to explain it all, just let them know you’re struggling.

• Seek Professional Help: This is the most crucial step. A professional counsellor or psychotherapist can help you understand the unique factors contributing to your depression. They can teach you effective coping strategies, help you reframe your negative thought patterns, and provide the consistent, non-judgmental support you need to navigate this journey.

A Compassionate Path to Healing

Depression is a real illness, and your struggle is valid. You cannot simply "snap out of it" any more than you can ‘snap out of’ a physical injury. The healing process is not a race; it's a marathon of small, intentional steps forward. It requires patience, kindness towards yourself, and, most importantly, the right support.

Your inability to overcome this on your own is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you are human and that you are dealing with a powerful and complex condition. By letting go of the pressure to "snap out of it," you can begin the journey of gentle healing, one compassionate step at a time.

If you’re ready to begin that journey, I am here to help. Please feel free to get in touch for a confidential chat.